aftiel

once more

aftiel — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 17:26:16 +0000

Out Here On My Own – Irene Cara

Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been
Who I am
Do I fit in.
Make believin’ is hard alone,
Out here on my own

We’re always provin’ who we are
Always reachin’ for the risin’ star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own

When I’m down and feelin’ blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears
I’ve never shown
Out here on my own

When I’m down and feelin’ blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been
Who I am
Do I fit in
I may not win
But I can’t be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own

how apt it is, after watching Fame, and having the lyrics constantly ring in my head;
even more so after the revelation of what I always knew would happen. one day.
I guess I’ve been living in denial for too long.
I just didn’t know it was going to be today.

I guess I was wrong when I said you didn’t make me feel anymore.

huh.

aftiel — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:11:16 +0000

Jane – Barenaked Ladies & Stephen Duffy

The girl works at the store sweet Jane St. Clair
Was dazzled by her smile while I shopped there
It wasn’t long before I lived with her
I sang her songs while she dyed her hair.

Jane, divided, but I cant decide what side I’m on
Jane decided only cowards stay, while traitors run
Jane, Jane.

I’d bring her gold and frankincense and myrrh
She thought that I was making fun of her
She made me feel I was fourteen again
That’s why she thinks its cooler if wed just stay friends
Jane doesn’t think a man could ever be faithful
Jane isnt giving me a chance to be shameful
Jane, Jane.

I wrote a letter, she should have got it yesterday
That life could be better by being together
Is what I cannot explain to Jane
The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair
Was dazzled by her smile while I shoplift there
No promises as vague as heaven
No Juliana next to my Evan
Jane, desired by the people at the school and work
Jane is tired, cause every man becomes a lovesick jerk
Jane, Jane.

happiness, because of what I could be.
yet;
sadness, because of what I am not.

why,
can i no longer
find the me,
who wanted to
hold your hand,
who wanted to
hear you say
the words,
you once said,
before.
could it be
perhaps,
that
i am
no longer,
me,
anymore?

lay in your hug, take back the part that is missing in my heart

aftiel — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:03:30 +0000

Fico Assim Sem Você – Adriana Calcanhoto

Avião sem asa, fogueira sem brasa
Sou eu assim sem você
Futebol sem bola. Piu-Piu sem Frajola
Sou eu assim sem você

Por que é que tem que ser assim?
Se o meu desejo não tem fim
Eu te quero a todo instante
Nem mil alto-falantes
Vão poder falar por mim

Amor sem beijinho,
Buchecha sem Claudinho
Sou eu assim sem você
Circo sem palhaço, namoro sem amasso
Sou eu assim sem você
To louca pra te ver chegar
To louca pra te ter nas mãos
Deitar no teu abraço, retomar o pedaço
Que falta no meu coração

Eu não existo longe de você
E a solidão é o meu pior castigo
Eu conto as horas pra poder te ver
Mas o relógio tá de mal comigo Porque?

Neném sem chupeta, Romeu sem Julieta
Sou eu assim sem você
Carro sem estrada, queijo sem goiabada
Sou eu assim sem você

Por que é que tem que ser assim?
Se o meu desejo não tem fim
Eu te quero a todo instante
Nem mil alto-falantes
Vão poder falar por mim

Eu não existo longe de você
E a solidão é o meu pior castigo
Eu conto as horas pra poder te ver
Mas o relógio tá de mal comigo Porque?
_________________________________________
English Translation – I Stay Like This Without You

A plane without a wing,
Bonfire without ashes,
It’s me like this, without you
Soccer without a ball,
Tweety without Sylvester,
It’s me like this, without you.

Why does it have to be like this?
If my desire had no end,
I want you every moment.
Not even a thousand loudspeakers,
Would be able to talk instead of me.

Love without little kisses,
Buchecha without Claudinho,
It’s me like this without you,
A circus without clown,
Commitment without making out,
It’s me like this, without you.
I’m crazy to see you arrive,
I’m crazy to have you in my hands,
Lay in your hug, take back the part,
That is missing in my heart.

I do not exist far from you,
And loneliness is my worst punishment,
I count the hours to see you,
But the clock it seems to be upset with me.
Why?

A baby without his pacifier,
Romeo without Juliet,
It’s me like this, without you.
A car without a roadway,
Cheese without goiabada,
It’s me like this, without you

Why does it have to be like this?
If my desire had no end,
I want you every moment,
Not even a thousand loudspeakers,
Would be able to talk instead of me.

I do not exist far from you,
And loneliness is my worst punishment,
I count the hours to see you,
But the clock it seems to be upset with me.
Why?

and could this be the end?

but how could it be the end, if it never really started?

inspired

aftiel — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:37:45 +0000

simple. profound. amazing.
i want to be this awesome.

walking away; walking after you

aftiel — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 18:50:55 +0000

At Seventeen – Janis Ian

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired.

The Valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone

Who called to say come dance with me
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn’t all it seems
At seventeen.

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said, “Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve.”

The rich-relationed hometown queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly.

Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality
And dubious integrity.

Their small town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received
At seventeen.

To those of us who know the pain
Of Valentines that never came,
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball.

It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.

We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown

That call and say, come dance with me
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen.

If you wanted out, all you had to do was tell me, instead of letting me try to figure you out. And this has been nothing less than a constant heartbreak — tormenting, torturous…
How many times can one heart be broken by one single person?
I never needed to know — it must be time to walk away.

but how does anyone walk away from their heart?

diction

aftiel — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 22:30:50 +0000

In the still of the night, away from the prying eyes, you took my hand in yours as we walked down lonely streets.

I let myself get lost for a moment as I embraced the feeling of how our fingers interlocked — your fingers fitting the spaces between mine so perfectly, so comfortably…
And I knew that it might be a long time again, if ever at all, that I would be able to relish such an infinite different emotions from just a single simple gesture — to be oblivious to Negativity who seems to habitually creep up on me in the midst of my sporadic states of delirium.

In that still of the night, away from the prying eyes; –
It was, just you, and I; finally allowing the echoing silence to induce our deprived complacency.

– In that brief juncture, I felt like you were mine.

But really, what IS real?

Especially after you’ve said that with me,
it never is.

I love you.
But if you are simply a mere figment of my imagination, perhaps then, I really need to let you go.

.

aftiel — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:09:45 +0000

Grit my teeth
Give a smile
Hold it back
For a longer while

Hear the voices
Screaming inside
Run away
Nowhere to hide

Feel the tears
Ready to fall
Not prepared
To show it all

Keeping silent
While you scream
No chance you’d give
To let me redeem

Didn’t reveal
Was so in pain
You still look at me
With such disdain

How could you
Possibly claim
You can understand
All my shame

Get out of my life
You always say
Those words that
Torment me everyday

No different
Are you from them
Stop the pretense
Can’t give a damn

Stopped living
In my fairy tale
They did constantly say
I’d always fail

Won’t regret
How I act
It’s all been done
Can’t change the fact

So I hate myself
Should’ve let me die
Now you know
Stop asking why.

(and yet you still
ask me to find
a companion for whom
i thought was mine

now the tears
roll down my face
i relinquish them
remember the taste

the bitterness of sorrow
so painful but true
the representation
of the color blue

thought you might be
a distinctive change
to a life that i need
to rearrange

too much time
i waste to ponder
what i know
i’d never discover

how i tried
to understand you
you yourself knew
you were never true

wanted to pretend
perhaps i was wrong
made-belief that i
was really strong

but sometimes i falter
i start to cry
remembering instead
your last goodbye

your look your smile
your hugs that kiss
your words you know
i’ll always miss

but now that you
have said farewell
in time to come
i hope you’d tell

how you and i
were really meant to be
when your grandkids
sit upon your knee

time has finally
let me see
maybe you were never
the right one for me

it’s my turn now
i say adieu
let’s part our ways
i love you.)

why am i rhyming again?

aftiel — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 20:51:01 +0000

If I asked you to stay with me,
For just a little while more,
To help me pick up the pieces of the heart you broke,
Lying around on my living room floor;

Would you agree and look at me,
Smiling with those eyes I adore,
Or would you turn your back again,
Like how you’ve always done before?

I remember the time you took my hand,
Walked with me along the shore,
Then used your jacket to shelter me,
When it started to pour;

And then how you said you’d always love,
With all your heart, you swore,
Our two lives by then had started as one,
Like the perfect musical score;

I can still recall your warm embrace,
And smelling the perfume you wore,
But the Dolce and Gabanna Pour Homme I bought for you,
Has now been changed to her Christian Dior;

Now I can only blame myself,
Saw the signs but chose to ignore,
So the answer is always negative, this time,
However I might deplore;

But could I have a final request,
Before you and I are no more?
Would you stay — please try to love me again,
Before you walk out ~~our~~ the front door?

I can’t sleep, anxiety is keeping me up again, so I write nonsensical shit to pass the time. I haven’t done my rhyming crap for so long, I really can’t do it anymore.
This is too depressing and dry, but happy-inspired stuff always sucks. Darnit, where’s my all-time favourite song?

heh found it.

Somewhere Out There – An American Tail OST

Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moonlight
Someone’s thinking of me
And loving me tonight

Somewhere out there
Someone’s saying a prayer
That we’ll find one another
In that big somewhere out there

And even though I know
How very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be
Wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts
To sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we’re sleeping
Underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there
If love can see us through
Then we’ll be find one another
Somewhere out there
Out where
Dreams come true

I miss you.

ode to my car

aftiel — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 07:41:55 +0000

Farewell my faithful companion and friend,
For the last 20 months you’ve served me well,
You brought me to catch short glimpses of heaven,
And protected me through the flames of hell.

I remember when I first set my eyes on you,
Your vivacity left me in awe,
Together we pushed the limits, raced down the roads,
Cos I knew you were capable of so much more.

Slowly you revealed yourself to me,
And the two of us, we became one,
Cursing and swearing at others in our roadraged-sync,
While unabashedly enjoying the fun.

You grew on my friends, and even clients,
As unique and awesome as you still are,
Amongst the dreary sea of silvers and blacks,
You always stood out from afar.

If you should have another ally in time,
I know that you will be,
As trustworthy and true to he or she,
As you’ve always been to me.

And I know I’ve not always been,
The most appreciative owner you’ll meet,
Sometimes leaving you unwashed for weeks,
And letting a cigarette burn a hole in the front seat.

But if you should need be sent to scrap,
A fate too soon for you to suffer,
I know in your next life as maybe, something else,
You will definitely be much tougher.

What I felt for you, what you were to me,
The others can only guess,
You might have been the first one I had,
But you’ll always be my very best.

Maybe one day we’ll meet again,
Maybe our paths will cross,
Maybe we’ll exchange knowing glances once more,
And I’ll reminisce my greatest loss.

So now it’s time to let you go,
And you shall no longer be one with me,
But I will always and forever remember you,
As my one and only SGV8822T.

Special thanks to James for the video/note/comment on facebook that made me cry.

<3s to James and Jonathan for sharing the moment with me. =)
And as I hear again this song posted below, that was playing when it happened, I have flashbacks in slow-motion ala John Woo. So surreal, still almost feels like a dream.

Sunrise – Norah Jones

Sunrise
Sunrise
Looks like morning in your eyes
But the clock’s held 9:15 for hours

Sunrise
Sunrise
Couldn’t tempt us if it tried
Cuz the afternoon’s already come and gone

And I said
Hooo, hooo, hooo
To you

Surprise
Surprise
Couldn’t find it in your eyes
But I’m sure it’s written all over my face

Surprise
Surprise
Never something I could hide
When I see we made it through another day

Then I say
Hooo, hooo, hooo
To you

And now the night
Will throw its cover down, ooo, on me again
Ooh, and if I’m right
It’s the only way to bring me back

Hooo, hooo, hooo
To you
Hooo, yeah, hooo, hooo
To you

Goodbye, Car. Thanks for shielding us, and in saving our lives, you lost your own. I would be lying if I denied that a large part of me died together with you.
Looks like Val needs to make friends with ‘em ezlink cards once again.

out of sight / out of mind / out of reach

aftiel — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 06:50:01 +0000

Out of Reach – The Get Up Kids

Long way from home
Lost by an echo I’d never have known
I’ve got pictures to prove I was there
But you don’t care

Here’s me overseas
Cross the pond by the Dover Peaks
I’ve smuggled myself into new nationalities
Think you’d be proud of me

There’s room to believe
Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of reach
Start over
It’s no way to begin

Long way from home
Lost by an echo I’d never have known
I’ve got pictures to prove I was there
But you don’t care

There’s room to believe
Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of reach
Start over
Start over
It’s no way to begin

There’s room to believe
Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of reach
Start over
Start over
It’s no way to begin
Way to begin
Way to begin

I’m worn out by this confusion we have created for ourselves.
For some strange reason, Eros and Apollo, perhaps spurred on by Loki, seemed to have joint forces to conspire against me — your presence is my Achilles’ heel.
I don’t know you, please don’t pretend you know me. And truth be told, we probably don’t know ourselves either.
I want to shun this dependency I can only blame myself to have, in utter folly, fabricated into existence.
I want to be out of sight, out of mind, out of reach.
Don’t miss me again, maybe even more so, please don’t miss me anymore.