past

Cos yours and mine was the fairy tale I had dreamt of when I was a little girl, where sparks really did seem to fly and magic seemed to exist. It was like everything else seemed to take a second place beside what we felt, words kept on flowing and the music wouldn’t stop playing.
For baby, you might just be the brightest star in my life — the single constant beam that burns bright in the darkest skies.
Shine on me, for without you, I’d be lost in total darkness.

---

He was still healing, from the loss of whom he thought was the one. Dived in headfirst into his passion for nature, yet lost his music along the way.
She was lost in her own reality — one that revolved around her own personality. Her world was hers to please, drunk in the music that ignited her motivation to go on with life.
How strange it is, that fate drew both of them close in the uncanny circumstance, and lay down bits and pieces of attraction within the nooks and crannies that had worn and torn them over the years.
His life was missing music, and overcome with nature. Her life was missing nature, and overcome with music.
Then, he came like a gust of wind that she never expected. He made her laugh and cry, brought up the emotions in her she never knew existed.
He looked at her, she looked at him, with eyes of hope, of longing, of dreams — of a certain brokenness that set ablaze their hearts; and they never fathomed what was in store.
It was like music, the kind that tugged on the strongest heartstrings, that sent chills down the spine, that spoke in the language only the self could understand.
It was like nature, the miracles and wonders that only God Himself could perform.
He took her away from her music, and yet pulled her back in, all at the same time.
She was the enigma he never knew existed, the puzzle he tried too hard to crack.
His music was hers, her music was his, and they were naturally one.

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I found myself wishing you were here — dancing with me, two bodies intertwined as one, hips swaying, gyrating, to the sweet beat of the music that constantly resounded in my heart. But I knew that you weren’t around, not in body, nor mind. And I wasn’t around either.
But your silhouette was omnipresent – each step I took, I wanted it to be a step closer to you; each time I threw back my head, I wanted it to rest between your chest; each moment I closed my eyes, I wanted to open them to find your lips pressed against mine and see myself in your warm embrace again.
And I’m brought back to the times you lay beside me, playing with my hair, taking in the smells which lingered around me, planting gentle kisses on my cheek, my forehead, my lips…
Yes, and I miss you. So damn much I could not fathom a time I didn’t know you. But you would never understand or know, just because I chose, in all my pride, to not speak the words my heart longed to say, to swallow the words that in reality spelt doom.
In all the frankness and blatancy, the one thing I could not even trust myself to be honest with, was that I had fallen — I had fallen so deep in the darkest abyss of love’s ancient labyrinth, and I never told you.
And I could never say that I loved you, because you were never, and will never be, mine.

---

My heart aches for just one more night alone with you, when you finally say the words i want to hear.
I never wanted to leave, believe me, but the facade i had to put up and keep up with had become unbearable, like a weight that was becoming more and more of a burden every step of the way. and the memories of everything we did, simply become glimpses of a past i wished either never happened or would still be the present.
If only you could have just broke down those walls of pride and cynicism, if only you dared, it could have been beautiful dahling, it could have been.

---

Your honey-coated lips spilled forth a string of sugared words that I seemed to have heard once before. Not the words, no, but the emotions and needs they brought out in me.
And they created for me a fantasy-world, that world that I go to in my solitude, but this time, it was with you.
I had long forgotten the feeling of falling, the vertigo — I’ve always hated it.
So praytell, would u be there, if i fell? Would you catch me in ur arms and kiss me with those lips that seemed to bring me through a never-ending rollercoaster ride? Or would you, like so many other before, let me crash into the flames of despair?
But how could you? You seemed like everything I’ve ever imagined, ever wanted, ever needed. Could dreams be a reality, or would they just remain simply as the bittersweet dreams that constantly torment me, night after night?
I can’t understand it. I just can’t. Maybe I don’t want to, i just don’t want the dream to end.

---

Our lips met and I knew I was addicted. I know I should have shut my mouth in the first place — both ways, and yet, there was something about you I couldn’t describe, or resist.
Then as suddenly as the kiss started, it stopped. The silence was deafening, it drove me crazy, and in that split millisecond, I knew I was going to hurt again.
It was not you, although you had become my addiction, but my need for something else, and you were there.
Strong, silent and yet tender, how could I not anticipate that my emotions would turn against me?
In all honesty, maybe I asked for it, maybe I wanted that affection from someone. It could have not been you, but everything about you seemed to fit, seemed to fill that void left empty for so long.
I couldn’t seem to answer that neverending stream of questions that were hitting me at full speed, all I could think about was you, you, and you.
The you that was oblivious, the you that knew and the you that made me fall.

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Reminiscence

Walking down the beach on a misty morn,
Wakes at my feet, sand at my toes.
Silence echoing around me.
I stand alone and remember
The times when we were together,
Laughter our language.
You helped me build sandcastles of dreams,
Dig holes to bury my sorrows.
Somehow, it’s just not the same.
Your ignorance has changed you,
Your absence changed me,
Lost in a make-believe world.
The sun and sand beckon to us,
And you answer their call,
Bask in their heat and coarseness,
Aware of them all.
I stand in the shade,
Hiding my emotions in the semi-dark.
You cannot see my eyes
And I am glad because I want to hide them.
You go have fun, I’ll watch from here,
The subtle rhythm of the waves,
Ebbs the love I am aware of in my soul,
I am now a puppet to myself.
Faking emotions and words.
The sun rises slowly,
Dissolving the mist.
I retreat to the shade,
Where I can be by myself.
And nobody can see
My heart and soul –
Not even you.
And even though I love you,
I love you too much to let you go,
But you have already gone.